i'm tired of pretending.

ok. so you want to know how i'm really doing? no? then go away. here are the random things that are going through my head:

i thought erik was going to come visit this weekend, but he decided not to. originally he was supposed to come drop me off last weekend but didn't end up being able to, so was going to come this weekend. why didn't he? because he said "everyone told me to let you get settled and be your own person." what? did you ask me if i wanted you to come? no. wouldn't it have been me you were coming to visit, not everyone else? yes. therefore, try talking to me about it rather than everyone else.

i am tired of being here. my roommate is gorgeous, i love her to death. the girls on my hall are really nice too, and so are most of the random people i've met. i've just had enough. i know you are thinking i've only been here a week, come on, but really..10 days is the longest i've been gone anywhere. and that was only twice in my life, this March in England and to the DR last year. so, i've hit my limit. oh yeah, i'll get past it, i know. i sort of have to. but that still doesn't mean i don't want to come home. maybe not even for very long, just enough to see my family and closest friends and visit with grandad and chris and ride my pony and pick up gilbert and cuddle with him and mend his broken tail and play with kate, the puppy my family is dogsitting, and go to my own church. that's all i really want to do. then maybe i will come back and study..just every two weeks or so go home. i guess that would defeat the purpose of going to school far away. whatever.

people back home went to the lake today. i wanted to be there. in some ways. in other ways i didn't because i knew it would be just like it was when i was home. i would go, people would talk, unedifying subjects would be brought up, uncomfortableness would be felt, and i would go home praying and wondering what happened to the kids i used to hang out with. but i still wanted to be there and see everyone that i miss so much, and maybe get some extra hugs.

i haven't gotten a hug for a week. isn't that sad? i mean, i'm totally bummed just thinking about it. the last hug i got was from my mom last saturday afternoon. maybe that's why i'm not feeling too dandy. i haven't had my allotment of hugs this week. and you know how much hugs are worth to me. at least it hasn't affected me so much that i've started hugging people i walk by. that would be interesting.

ashley pelletier is my way cool friend i can talk to about anything.

we sang My Glorious at church today. love that song.

OH. the other day we had an activities fair and i signed up for 17 things. maybe not that many but a lot and if you really want to know what they are ask me. but one of the things was a traveling ultimate frisbee team. i am not kidding you. we have practices and tournaments and everything with other schools. WOW. my first practice is tomorrow. yeeess. i am way excited about this.

tomorrow is class too, which means it's bedtime.

out.