i've realized that there is nothing worth killing myself over, especially somebody i was completely wrong about. my life is God's and God's alone, and i've recognized that and come to love that, cause then i don't have to worry about it. i had forgotten all the wonderful things that i have in my life, and the past few weeks have really showed me that.

i have wonderful parents that love me and care about me, care about my education, protect me, laugh with me, and are pretty much two of my closest friends.

i have two sisters that i can talk about anything with, cry with, laugh with, shop with, and who support me and love me in everything, even the mistakes that i make.

i have a fantastic boyfriend that loves me and allows me to be myself and who i am discovering every day how wonderful he really is.

i have the best friend a girl could ask for, who even though he lives 500 miles away, I can still feel just as close to him as when we lived 45 min apart and it wasn't a big deal to drive that far almost everyday in the summer. i can not talk to him for a month and then we talk and nothing's changed. i look at him and i see my past, the childhood that we spent together playing capture the flag and modeling in the backyard, fieldtrips and thursdays spent "doing school", watching his baseball games and embarassing the heck out of him, and having everything be a competition. i see recitals and promotions and birthdays and graduations, and in every one he's there. i see my future, too, because i know that if we've made it through the last 11 years we can make it through anything. we have made it through a move to england and back, through relationships and breakups, through the drives back and forth, through the miles that separate us now. and i know that he is truly, completely the best friend i have ever had and ever will have, and never more in my life have i realized that than in the last month.

i have the hottest, sweetest roommate that i can laugh with, cry with, study with (study? what's that?), who convinces me to take organic chem AND physics AND developmental bio with her at the same time and then tells me i'll PASS them all. i love her, and am incredibly excited about living with her and starting our apartment 107 adventure together. hough patrol what?!

i have been blessed with a horse, two dogs, and three cats that i can love on and tell all my secrets to.

and finally, i have a Savior who has washed me of all my mistakes and clothed me with righteousness. he has forgiven my sins and loves me more than anyone else. and he has a plan for me, for my life, and wants me to glorify Him with it. and that, i think, is the most wonderful thing of all.

i'm happy to be alive. these are the people that really matter in my life, and i'm so blessed to have them.