i decided that it was time for another new template because there are 27 days until christmas. i might decide i need to change it again if i find one i like more though.

so i'm back at school after a very relaxing and fun break. i hung out with my family and ashley, played with the animals, spent time at the barn, ate a lot of yummy homemade food, hung out with friends, watched movies, and slept. i had no homework to do, no commitments...it was wonderful. i actually do feel refreshed and i think i'll be able to survive the last three weeks rather well. it's good to be back but it was even better to be back home.

genetics was cancelled today, as was lab, so i only had 2 classes today, and the whole afternoon free. amazing. i am going to take a nap, watch a movie, and paint my toenails. what will it be this time? haha.

hope your thanksgiving was as restful as mine! <3

since ashley so kindly updated her blog, i decided to copy off of her and update mine. here is my list of random things i am thankful for:

-hooded sweatshirts
-hobbes
-hot cider
-my mommy's hugs
-my daddy's hugs
-my mommy and daddy all around
-ashley
-german chocolate brownies
-frisbee
-my roommates
-christmas music
-coming home
-realizing that you have known your friends for 10 years and you still like each other
-talking with benjamin
-are you sure it's sprite?, french bread pizza, and modeling in the yard (especially the mailbox)
-cute puppies
-snow
-things that don't change when you come home
-things that do (even though sometimes i don't like it to begin with)
-VW buses (excuse me...campmobiles) and Porsches
-the people that own the VW's and Porsches, that being Joshua Troyer and Alexander Lipnicki
-Dr.Pelletier
-lotion from bath and body
-the Bible
-my niece and nephew
-Jenn and John
-Sarah Elizabeth, the most superfantastic sister in the world
-Jesse
-Erik, Crystal, Ralph, Josh, Jen, Kayla, Tom, Dean, Cam, Chad, Dayna, Crystal Dub
-hats
-bacon
-the best submariner in the world, otherwise known as Josh Toth
-my girls: Megan, Chrissy, and Nikki
-love
-nail polish. oh come on, you know me.
-the admiral and the commodore. again.
-Jarod and the rest of the Mate family
-MY PONY
-Judy Jackson
-all my biology buddies
-Alan and Sam, because without them i wouldn't be passing chemistry
-fireplaces
-school
-breaks from school
-AWANA
-sally
-gilbert
-trinity
-yatsu
-the influence that my grandmother has on my life even today
-david ridley
-all the ridleys
-trials in life
-hard decisions

i could go on forever i think. that's enough for now.

this song is dedicated to ashley pelletier. because we sung it in the car tonight.

To really love a woman, understand her -you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought, see every dream
And give her wings when she wants to fly

When you love a woman
Tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman, tell her that she’s the one
'Cause she needs somebody to tell her
That it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith, hold her tight
A little tenderness, gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin’ good care of you
You really gotta love your woman...

Just tell me have you ever really,
Really, really, ever loved a woman?

sometimes it really bothers me that people get ticked off when i don't act like the perfect friend to them. i mean really...benjamin has been my best friend since i was 8 and i've talked to him twice since school started. are we not friends anymore? of course not. he'll be my best friend forever even if we never talk. it's assumed that just because we are both extremely busy doesn't mean we're not friends. true friends know you are still friends without talking about it. it bothers me that i can't go a week or two without talking to someone and they freak out and get annoyed that i'm not there for them anymore. yet, when i do try to talk to them, they act cold and unfriendly and say about 3 words the entire conversation. so basically if i don't talk to them unintentially, they think they have the right to do it intentianally. what's the logic in that?

in other news, i go home in 5 days. i also think that God needs to tone down the details of his creation for people like me who have to memorize all the parts of it. and chemistry needs to fall off the face of the earth.

i have 3 loads of laundry to do and no time to do it.

it is Thanksgiving Dinner night and i'm about to go get some turkey to match the ones on my toes. if you want to see my toes, just let me know. i'd be happy to show them off.

peace.

i'm sorry i haven't updated. i thought it was about time to change things around and trees in the fall make me happy.

apparently someone named vivienne wants me to move to beautiful north wales. yeeesssss.

megan and i are listening to christmas music. it is our new favorite pastime. we listen to it every time we are in the room, especially the American Idol christmas cd. love it.

so this week i don't really have that much homework, and i'm ok with that. however, the next two weeks are going to be slightly more fun. i have a genetics, calc, and chem test in the next two weeks, along with a calc Derive test and project due. whoooooo. i <3 math!

i played powderpuff football on saturday with my lovely roommate. she made 3 interceptions and i scored a touchdown. it was lots of fun. and we got muddy.

tonight i have AWANA, which i must say is always the highlight of my week. i'm so glad it's on wednesdays..it makes the rest of the week easier to get through. there is a little boy in my group named Ethan and he always talks in a whisper and likes to smile but is incredibly shy. he's very small for his age and i like to give him lots and lots of hugs and encouragement. i am the red team leader, by the way.

today it is cold and raining and tomorrow it is supposed to snow 3 inches. what's up with that?

here is a list of things i miss about home, in no particular order:
-my mommy
-my daddy
-sarah (even though she's not there)
-ashley
-sally
-gilbert!
-spot
-trinity and hobbes
-yatsu
-jarod mate
-kyle mate
-mr and mrs mate
-the angerosas
-church
-the barn
-the triplets
-my room
-my bed!
-old navy
-the chinese place by shaw's
-the sub base
-josh (even though he's not really there right now)
-my mommy's cooking
-riding
-sleeping in
-playing with sally in the backyard
-everything

time for dinner.
i love my sister.

pray to end abortion.

hi.

so.

school is nice. yeeeaaahh. i'm loving genetics, hating chemistry (but i think maybe i am understanding for once) and intro to christ is nice too. so far in class we have watched clips from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the Simpsons, Southpark, and listened to Christian death metal. he's an awesome professor. calc is going ok, it's math. enough said. i get it but it's not really fun.

all my time is spent studying or playing disc. i don't think i have studied so much in my entire life. except for finals week last year. oh gosh. don't think about finals yet. if i'm studying this much and it's only the middle of the year, i can't imagine what finals week will be like.

disc is going well, no more tournaments till Oct 29-30. we have practice 5 days a week which i love, well, i loved it more when it was warm outside. it's a bit brisk now. but hey it's ultimate.

my parents came to visit Sep 30-Oct 2, and we had a lot of fun. they brought Sally to surprise me, which was so exciting because i missed her so much and i hardly ever get to see animals here. i thought they should have brought Gilbert too, but they didn't think he would have had as much fun as Sally did. Our home tournament was that saturday, so we hung out outside in the gorgeous weather, and my parents saw me play for the first time. they were excited to watch. i love my family.

i went for an hour and 15 minute run yesterday over the cross country trails in the woods behind the ski slope. it was awesome. i had a lot of pent-up energy that i needed to get out, so it was perfect. i almost got mauled by a bear though. and by almost i mean not really. but i could have if not for my remarkable tracking skills.

i am eating strawberry banana yogurt with granola on it. mmmmm.

yeah, so, this past weekend was a tough one. my 31 year old cousin Carrie died last saturday, and this weekend was her funeral. she had had breast cancer for 3 years, but had only really been sick for about 2 weeks before she died. it was really hard, but i'm so glad she was saved. she can dance with my grammy now. :) I flew out to St. Louis on Friday and met my mom, then went to the funeral and hung out with family on Saturday and flew back Sunday. it was a quick trip, but so good to see my family there. we went to the cemetary where my great grandparents and great great grandparents are buried, which was pretty good. actually, my family has 4 generations buried there. it was a tiny cemetary that was totally in the middle of nowhere surrounded by cornfields. i wanted to go visit my grammy's grave too, but Jefferson Barracks closes at dusk since it's a military cemetary, and we didn't make it back in time. oh well.

you know what's the best? when people get mad at you for actually studying (which is what you're at school for) and not talking to them every day for endless hours because you don't want to fail chemistry. i love it, don't you?

i changed the voicemail on my phone. it's kind of funny and random cause i didn't really know what i was going to say. oh well.

tomorrow i am going to visit my wonderful, gorgeous sister at school for 5 DAYS. i am so excited. it would have been nice to go home and see ashley and gilbert and my pony, but i am still very excited. mom and dad are flying out on friday to see the play that sarah is stage managing (which is a main reason i am going as well) and we'll just have a superfantastic time. i have a huge amount of work/studying to do while i'm there (3 papers and 2 tests the week after break..blah) but of course i get to sleep in. mwahahahaha.

ok i think i need to go do something productive because all this talk of work is making me stress. not really but it could if i let it.

i love ashley.
josh troyer makes me laugh.
jesse braswell is my number one encourager.
my sister is amazing.
my parents are the coolest parents ever.
i miss my pony.

PEACE.
p.s. i love Megan Roll. she's my roommate and i always want to give her a hug.

well well well.

here i am. back at school. back at Houghton. back to class.

i don't want to be here.

sometimes the worst part about going to college is going to college. i know that i will have fun, that i'll get over it, that it won't be so bad not having any close friends in the dorm anymore. i know judy and sam are the floor below and that makes me happy. my roommates are both really nice and i know it'll be a good year. but i still wish i was home.

i wish i was getting ready to crawl in my bed after a good day full of church and ashley and relaxing. i wish i had to work tomorrow at the barn, and be able to ride my pony. i miss him.

in other news...i need to stop feeling sorry for myself and wake up to the fact that chem is at 8 in the morning. please pray for me!

my last few days at home were really really good..i spent friday with the ridley's, which was wonderful because i got to see Dave for a long time. we went to the beach and played soccer (oh excuse me...football) and rummy 500 and just layed in the sun. it was very enjoyable. then we went back to their house and had my favorite dessert ever (Pavlova) and i painted anna's toenails and watched Master and Commander of the Seven Seas. i love my second family.

saturday i had a craaaazy day but it was a good crazy. i woke up at 9:30 to bake Swedish Butter Cookies for Jesse, then ran ran ran to the post office to mail his guitar + cool stuff package before it closed at 12:30. i left my house at 12:20. it was awesome. then i went to walmart, hallmark, and the barn to ride my pony for the last time. we played outside and went for a trail ride and played with the hose. it was a good last ride till thanksgiving. after the barn, i ran to the romine's to pick up my shirt i'd left, then ran home to take a shower, eat dinner (steak and baked potatoes) then...dum dum dum.

i got to see joshua!!!!!!!!!!

it was so so so exciting and the best thing i could've done on my last night home. i went down to his house and met him, then went to panera bread and he ate dinner and i had british breakfast tea. then we went back to his house and i met his roommate and helped him unpack like the good helper that i am. i am the t-shirt and sock master. after that we just hung around his house talking and laughing and then went to the store to get tums for my tummy. i have an ulcer. but that's another story. we basically just sat around and talked for like 6 hours. it was awesome. i was so happy to see him and hear about dive school and see the picture and his new insignia and everything. i was so happy that he came home yesterday instead of driving home. i miss him.

today was moving in day...my mommy and i left at 5:30 this morning and made it to HC at 12:30. we stopped 3 times cause we had Sally with us. aaaannndd...when we got here, billy came as a surprise and helped me move in! i am very thankful that he came because i had lots of heavy stuff. he also stayed and played frisbee with us on the quad to jump start the season. i'm glad he came, it was good to see him, and as always, disc at houghton wouldn't be the same without him.

well...my brain needs resting for chem and genetics and calc all in the SAME DAY. mmmmrrrrmmmrrrr.
i miss Ashley!

10\2 dreaming of you.

my mom reads my blog. amazing.

had a relaxing day today. church was good and then after the Mates, the Angerosas (minus Pastor cause he's in Haiti) and my family went out to eat at Pacific Buffet. so good. Jarod Mate is my new boyfriend..i love him so much (he's 4). He insisted on sitting next to me to eat, and then declared that he is coming to college and is going to sleep in my bed with me. he would share things on his plate for lunch, tell me to save his spot when he went to go get more food, and would randomly kiss my arm and say "Gotcha!". he is my favorite...his smile lights up the room.

after lunch, i came home and hung out with Ash all afternoon. i packed most of my clothes while she went Scripture hunting in my room, then we relocated to her room and she cleaned and used her creative skills and i promptly fell asleep on her bed for 45 minutes. she got ready for work and i left for the barn. Spot got his shoe on yesterday so i was able to work him again today. we horsed around (ha) for a while outside and i cleaned his stall. i then went to the easiest babysitting job in the world. the triplet's house, but they were in bed already when i got there and never heard from them the two and a half hours i was there. it was awesome. i watched tv, called Benjamin and left a message, talked to Jesse for 45 minutes, and napped for 30. so cool. and i got paid for it.

so here i am after a profoundly relaxing day. the week will start to get crazy tomorrow, but hopefully not so crazy that i can't just chill out before classes start next week. the Schmitz children are coming to ride Spot on Tuesday (wow Bailey on a horse), work, tutoring, horse-sitting for Mrs. Wittman, and trying to say goodbye to everyone. yaaaay for time management skills!

hope you are enjoying God's blessings on your life as much as I am!
10/4 out the door.

only 9 more days till i'm back at Houghton!

sometimes it seems crazy that the summer is almost over, but 4 months is a long summer i suppose. a lot of stuff has happened in these 4 months.

this summer has been one of discovery, renewing, laughter, love, tears, joy, sorrow, loneliness. there have been nights and weekends of endless celebration and lots of people, and nights of relaxation and solitude. friends have come and gone, a few have visited and one has stayed. (i <3 Ashley)

i've said goodbyes to many more people than i expected. my three best friends in the entire world all left this summer. benjamin is in north carolina, jesse is in Iraq (my knight in desert camoflage i say), joshua is in florida (my favorite Navy sailor). My heart aches for each of them, for the trials and battles they are all facing in their own way. I rejoice in the joy they have in each of their circumstances. I laugh at the stories they have to share. but it only makes me miss them more each day.

i've come to realize this summer that my parents really are cooler than everyone else's. i have laughed, watched movies, shared problems and triumphs, and generally just loved on them more than i did when i was still living at home. they are truly God-honoring people and i'm blessed beyond belief to have them as parents.

i am excited to see what the coming school year is going to bring, the challeges i am going to face (CHEMISTRY), the new friends i will make, along with the memories.

here's to the nights we felt alive
here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
here's to goodbyes, tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

*8 days till i see Josh! unless boat duty calls then maaayyybbeee not till thanksgiving. but maybe till christmas :( oh in case you were wondering...he's rocking out the dive school. and he totally killed the bay swim. about a dozen times.
*4 months till Jesse comes home for leave!! and 293 days till he comes home for gooooood.
*10 months till my triathlon. eeeee need to get on the working out thing.
*9 days till Houghton
*8 days till David Ridley
*1 hour till Ash gets home from work
*30 seconds till i bite into a hot slice of bacon pineapple pizza. mmmmmm.

10/1 on the run.

i miss josh. sometimes i like the fact that he is in the Navy, but sometimes it makes me really sad. like now. however, i am proud of him and proud he is going to dive school. pray for him hardcore ok? he needs it. pray for strength and energy to survive having his hands and feet tied together in the pool, to survive a 1000 meter swim in open water while only using his feet, no hands, in less than 23 minutes. i would drown. pray that he would find a church and get into a spiritual routine while he's down there. pray that he wouldn't be tempted by other things and would stay strong in the Lord.

by the way, this is a picture of his submarine, the U.S.S. Toledo, SSN 769. it's way way cool. i got to go on it all sneaky-like (not really) and see where he works and what he does and where he sleeps. it was awesome. although it was a boatful of dudes, which was a little intimidating cause they never see girls on board. but hey. whatever. i can better understand why it is a good thing to have contact with the outside world when underway.

p.s. i've decided to join the Navy SEALs. think G.I. Jane.

well. time for an update wouldn't you say?

ok. so. lots has happened. can't really think of it all. hmm Independence Day was nice but not what i expected. i wanted to do something so cool and fun and patriotic and I-Love-My-Country like but it just didn't happen. the Angerosa's came over for dessert and birthday cake (happy birthday mommy!) and then we did fireworks in the backyard. we ended up venturing out to the Cheshire fireworks, and they were awesome. definitely the best fireworks i've ever seen. i wanted to go to Mystic to watch theirs but it never happened. then i wanted to go to Sailfest's on Saturday in New London because they are supposed to be the best on the Eastern seaboard but that didn't happen either. oh well.

i babysat for the Angerosa kids for 24 hours that week and had a blast. we played with the Slip n Slide, built a castle, went to Wendy's for dinner, made cinnamon rolls, got snowcones, the kids rode Spot..it was a fun experience. we had a tage sale on the 9th to raise money for Haiti at their house...i think i saw them every day for 8 days straight. we made our own commune.

last friday was the anniversary of the day Grammy died. it was a sad day. i bought my mom flowers because i would catch her crying. we did a lot of crying that day. i miss my Grammy. i miss her laugh, her saying "hello Dolly" when i called her, her smell, her hugs, the sound her slippers made as she shuffled across the kitchen. i miss waking up and giving her a kiss in the morning as she sits at the table with her coffee, always in a cup and saucer, never in a mug. i miss laying on her bed watching CSI with her, listening for a bell ringing in the night to signal a problem. i miss the quiet hiss of her oxygen machine close to the end, the nebulizer treatments, the hospice care. i don't miss watching her body shut down on her, when her mind was just as sharp and witty, but if it meant she was here, i'd take it anyday. i miss the past, the trips to the mall to pick out a new outfit for Christmas, spending a month at her apartment in the summer, sleepovers in her bed (watching out for Yatsu of course). i miss her voice, her robes, fixing her hair, painting her nails. i miss her, i miss her, i miss her. Love you Grammy.

friday was also Jonathan Ridley's 17th birthday, so i went to their house for dinner, then to his baseball game to cheer him on. we made huge signs and embarrassed him very badly. he loved it though.

saturday was Benjamin's 19th birthday. happy birthday dear!!! i miss my best friend lots and lots.

also on saturday i went down to norwich and hung out with the one of a kind Joshua Toth. we went to the mystic aquarium (finally!!) and saw beluga wales, touched sting rays, a starfish, and a crab, and saw lots of funky animals. we watched a sea lion show which was awesome and i'm going to get one now. and keep it in my bathtub. after that we went on base and bought stuff to make chocolate chip cookies at the commissary, then went and baked them and ate them. we watched million dollar baby (sad but really good) and ordered bacon and pineapple pizza. the pizza came half and half instead of both on all of it, so we made sandwiches. it was fun. he put on his dress blues for me too. just because i asked him to. isn't he nice? i miss him a lot. he is leaving for dive school for six weeks (i think) this week and i won't see him until Christmas and then he'll be on deployment Jan-June next year and it's really really really sad. and i miss him a lot a lot. he has become one of my best friends, which is strange really if you think about it, not because of him, because i said hi to him for about 4 months once a week. then he left for far away places and was awesome enough to keep in touch. he's my favorite Navy submariner. actually my favorite Navy anything. actually the only person i know in the Navy. but he knows he's my favorite anyway.

yesterday was church, the barn, and hanging out with people at the boys apartment all night. we went to Ruby Tuesdays and ate and watched old home videos of our friends. oh the joy of knowing your friends for 10 years.

today was work work work, then tutoring. no bible study. read and ate an MRE for dinner!!!! out on the garage floor. it was a-MAZ-ing. lets just say it's probably the most fun i've had eating dinner by myself. it was chicken tettrazini and a chocolate milkshake and a cookie and crackers and blackberry jam. so fun. i loved it.

so that's it, consider yourself updated. if you care to know more, then ask.

prayer requests:
i'm lonely. my 3 best friends in the entire world have left and i don't know when i will see them again. miss you guys.
going back to school. don't want to. enough said.
chemistry. calculus. genetics. enough said there too.
mohammed. ask. i'll tell.
jesse. in Iraq being a cool nurse. for wisdom and energy to make it through long 12 hour workdays
dan grundman. in indonesia for 16 days helping with tsunami relief. comes back the 30th.
josh. dive school.
billy. christian friends, struggling with a lot of things i am.
my dad. his job.

sometimes i stop and realize i have a truly amazing life and even better friends to go with it.
yeah that's it. <3

I Am The Flag

I am the flag of the United States of America.

I was born on June 14, 1777, in Philadelphia.

There the Continental Congress adopted my stars and stripes as the national flag.

My thirteen stripes alternating red and white, with a union of thirteen white stars in a field of blue, represented a new constellation, a new nation dedicated to the personal and religious liberty of mankind.

Today fifty stars signal from my union, one for each of the fifty sovereign states in the greatest constitutional republic the world has ever known.

My colors symbolize the patriotic ideals and spiritual qualities of the citizens of my country.

My red stripes proclaim the fearless courage and integrity of American men and boys and the self-sacrifice and devotion of American mothers and daughters.

My white stripes stand for liberty and equality for all.

My blue is the blue of heaven, loyalty, and faith.

I represent these eternal principles: liberty, justice, and humanity.

I embody American freedom: freedom of speech, religion, assembly, the press, and the sanctity of the home.

I typify that indomitable spirit of determination brought to my land by Christopher Columbus and by all my forefathers - the Pilgrims, Puritans, settlers at James town and Plymouth.

I am as old as my nation.

I am a living symbol of my nation's law: the Constitution of the United States and the Bill of Rights.

I voice Abraham Lincoln's philosophy: "A government of the people, by the people,for the people."

I stand guard over my nation's schools, the seedbed of good citizenship and true patriotism.

I am displayed in every schoolroom throughout my nation; every schoolyard has a flag pole for my display.

Daily thousands upon thousands of boys and girls pledge their allegiance to me and my country.

I have my own law—Public Law 829, "The Flag Code" - which definitely states my correct use and display for all occasions and situations.

I have my special day, Flag Day. June 14 is set aside to honor my birth.

Americans, I am the sacred emblem of your country. I symbolize your birthright, your heritage of liberty purchased with blood and sorrow.

I am your title deed of freedom, which is yours to enjoy and hold in trust for posterity.

If you fail to keep this sacred trust inviolate, if I am nullified and destroyed, you and your children will become slaves to dictators and despots.

Eternal vigilance is your price of freedom.

As you see me silhouetted against the peaceful skies of my country, remind yourself that I am the flag of your country, that I stand for what you are - no more, no less.

Guard me well, lest your freedom perish from the earth.

Dedicate your lives to those principles for which I stand: "One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

I was created in freedom. I made my first appearance in a battle for human liberty.

God grant that I may spend eternity in my "land of the free and the home of the brave" and that I shall ever be known as "Old Glory," the flag of the United States of America.

Once a true believer
Once there was a fire in your soul
You were the epitome of blessed faith astir
With thirst for holiness
And hunger for the Word
Now you move in other circles
To the beat of different drums
And I see only glimpses of the one you used to be
The inspiration that you were to me

I miss the way His love would dance within your eyes
I miss the way His heart was the soul of your life
And somewhere in the saddest part of heaven's room
Our Father sheds a tear for you
He's missing you, too.

Some are calling you a prodigal
Some aren't calling you at all
But far away someone is calling you back home
Do you hear it anymore out there on your own?

i miss you. why did you have to leave? why are you breaking my heart? i miss your smile, your brother-like teasing, your laugh. i miss learning rugby. i miss calling you. i miss sitting around the house doing nothing. i miss piggy back rides and watching movies. i miss making sure it is Sprite, laughing about capture the flag and gym, multiple field trips, and our senior trip. i miss worshipping with you. i miss going to concerts and getting beat up. i miss you making me tea. i miss knowing you are just a phone call away when i need a shoulder to cry on. i miss knowing you are my best friend.

where are you? what are you doing this very moment? why won't you talk to me?

i miss you.

do you miss me too?

This is where he's going...

...and this is what he's taking.

sometimes i wish i was in the military.

sometimes, when i'm around those who are, i can feel a little bit prouder of my country. i can feel like there are people out there who are working hard and making sacrifices to protect everything that i love.

sometimes i wish i was the one living in the desert for a year, so you didn't have to. i wish i was the one sleeping in a tent full of sand, the one dealing with unimaginable temperatures, a barren land with no trees or grass, a camp full of people who are far away from God and act that way. i wish i was the one berated for my faith, pushed to the challenge of defending my God. i wish i could serve my country like you do.

sometimes i wish i was the one living on a 360 ft long metal tube with 120 other people and no privacy, so you didn't have to. i wish i was the one breathing recycled air, crawling into too-small spaces only to get stuck for hours, eating boat food. i wish i was the one gone for weeks at a time, the one mocked for your Godly lifestyle. i wish i could serve my country like you do.

sometimes i wish i was in the military, and then i become thankful that you are.

i laugh and praise God for you, because if i was in the desert, i would probably try going for a run and passing out, suffocating in the sand. i would probably become so irritable from not sleeping because of the heat and be in a continuous state of grumpiness. i would probably shrink back from hurtful comments about my God, instead of defending Him like you are. i would probably shoot myself in the foot with my M-16, or even worse, somebody else. i wouldn't know how to perform surgical crichothyrotomies (i know that's not how it's spelled but i can't figure it out), put IVs in or take care of mass casualties. i wouldn't know how to protect myself from mortar attacks or hand to hand combat against insurgents. i wouldn't know how to drive in a convoy or avoid IEDs. I'm glad you are doing it for me.

i laugh and praise God for you, because if i was on a submarine, i would probably end up sinking the thing. i would probably go crazy with no privacy and purposefully get stuck somewhere deep inside the boat where all the cables are just so i could avoid bumping into people all the time or talking to anyone. i would probably pass out from the smell of recycled air or get high from too much carbon monoxide. i would probably pack way too much stuff and it wouldn't fit under my bunk and it just wouldn't be pretty. i wouldn't know how to load tomahawks or torpedoes or how to fire them. i wouldn't know that missiles have wings...or maybe i would. i wouldn't know what all the little buttons mean or be able to know which cable is connected to what and which are broken and when. i'm glad you are doing it for me.

i'm not in the military. i don't know what it is like to completely devote myself to the Army or Navy every single day for years. i don't know what it's like to push myself past my limits. i don't know what it's like to live with a hundred other guys and see the same people every single day. i don't know what it's like to be yelled at or beaten up or emotionally and physically fatigued to an extreme amount. i don't know what it's like to live in barracks, eat in a military dining hall (DFAC or mess hall, whatever you want to call it). i don't shop at a PX or NEX or commissary. i don't listen to huge amounts of profanity, breathe recycled air, or have sand covering every part of me and my gear.

thanks for taking care of that for me.

i am proud of the Armed Forces that protect my country. i proudly wear Army and Navy clothing everywhere and put patches on my bags and stick a decal in the back window of my car. i notice Support Our Troups items everywhere i go and wear a bracelet on my wrist and put a yellow ribbon on the back of my car. i do it for you. it's my way to serve my country.

i am proud of you, proud that you can take my place to fight for my freedoms. i'm proud that you do so with confidence and grace to the best of your ability. i'm proud that you are devoted to what you do.

thanks.

i love the part of summer where you are so bored but you wouldn't want to do anything anyway.

The face that Moses had begged to see - was forbidden to see - was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth's rebellion now twisted around his own brow...

"On your back with you!" One rasies a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier's heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner's wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier's life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds all his molecules together? Only by the Son do "all things hold together" (Col.1:17). The victim wills that the soldier live on - he grants the warriors continued existence. The man swings.

As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm - the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless - the nerves perform exquisitely. "Up you go!" They lift the cross. God is on display in his underwear and can scarcely breathe.

But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthy foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being - the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father's eye turns brown with rot.

His Father! He must face with Father like this!

From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars across the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross. Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky. The Son does not recognize these eyes.

"Son of Man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped - murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten - fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled, and blasphemed. Oh, the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk - you, who molest young boys, pedel killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons? Does the list never end! Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp - buying politicians, practicing exortation, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves - relishing each morsel and bragging about it all. I hate, loathe, these things in you! Disgust for everything about you consumes me! Can you not feel my wrath?"

Of course the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must now take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.
The Father watches as his heart's treasure, the mirror-image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah's stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.

"Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!"

But heaven stops its ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.

The Trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled him. The Father rejected the Son whom he loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied.

The Rescue was accomplished.

It was wonderful and glorious and breathtaking and healing and laughter and changes and dreams come true and new adventures.

I had the best weekend ever.

He came on Thursday, in a surprise whirlwind of a blue BMW Z4 convertible, honking the horn in his uniform with the Beach Boys going full blast. We were off to get clothes hidden at my pastor's house (I got to drive!), then hung out at Sarah's 21st birthday party. He gave rides and even let Benjamin drive it. We stayed up till 5 in the morning, talking and laughing and jumping around with Sarah and Nate. Bedtime wasn't going to take away from this weekend.

Friday we took lots of pictures of the car and prayed and sent Nate and Sarah off to Indianapolis, then jumped in our hot car with the top down, blasting Rascal Flatts and on our way to the city. He'd never been. We drove down 5th Avenue and people stared and commented and whistled. We know we're fine. We returned the car, then went to Cosi for some yummy but interesting food. We walked to the Empire State building and stood in line for a long time but it didn't matter cause we are fun people. He got a military discount because he's cool like that. So we went up 86 floors and stood at the top for a while, looking around and taking pictures. We saw the Statue of Liberty (Liberty Medics, HOOAH!) but it was far away and took more pictures and wrote on the wall. We left and ran down flights of stairs and out to 5th Avenue to walk and window shop and see Rockefeller Center. We went to FAO Shwartz where I took a picture with a life-size giraffe! and then went to Tiffany's and Co. It's a good thing we didn't break anything in there! We looked around and examined all the huge diamonds and I tried on a small one that cost $8,000. It was a normal sized ring too! After we left Tiffany's, we made our way to Payless to find him dress shoes after going to Bergdorf Goodman and finding shoes for $2,900. We bought shoes and hurried our way to Tavern on the Green and ate in The Chestnut Room. We changed in the bathrooms so we would look presentable. The service was wonderful and the food incredible. We talked and laughed and both ate Asparagus Soup and Filet Mignon with mashed potatoes and green beans. It was by far the most delicious meal I have ever eaten, and the most wonderful, most incredible experience of my life. After dinner, we took more pictures, then jumped in a cab and headed to Beauty and the Beast on Broadway. It was spectacular. Words don't even begin to describe it. I highly recommend it. Fantastic show. The characters sounded exactly like the ones in the movie, and the singing and dancing were amazing. We took more pictures, then walked around outside in Times Square all dressed up. We made our way slowly back to Grand Central Station to take the 11:22 train home, and in the bathroom a woman told me I looked stunning. :) We took the train back to New Haven to meet Mom, laughing and talking about the day. After we got home, we changed and ate some more, told my mom all about the day and showed her pictures. The whole day was wonderful and every moment a surprise.

Saturday we woke up early and headed for the triplet's house to babysit for an hour. We ran around the house like crazy people, screaming and laughing, played with Play-Doh, and colored at the kitchen table. After that we got ice cream for lunch at Praline's, then went home to shower and change. We took care of Callie (a puppy down the street), then drove to Hartford to watch a USA vs. Wales rugby match. It was amazing but also very confusing. We went with Benjamin, who explained lots of things and answered questions. His rugby coach and a member of his team in VA were there, and it was fun listening to them talk about the game. It was incredibly hot and sunny out though. After the game, the three of us headed back to my house and then went out for pizza at Tony's. We got pineapple and bacon. mmmmm. Benjamin left, and then he and I went bowling. It was lots of fun but he kicked my butt in two games, except the last one that we played left-handed. He was still quite impressive, bowling two strikes! And he said he would be horrible. I bowled three though. :) After bowling we went back to the house and watched Top Gun, then rolled into bed at 5 am again.

Sunday he finally got to go to my church and meet the people I've always talked about and worship and listen to my pastor. He wore his Gap khakis and a button down shirt just like always and I wore my striped skirt I had told him about. We shared a hymnal like old times and it made me happy. After church and sunday school we ate roast beef and carrots and mashed potatoes and bread at our house ( after he played the piano for me - but not long enough), then changed and packed up drinks and a bag and headed to the beach. We stopped by the Ridley's on the way and picked up Benjamin and Jonathan, and went to Clinton Beach. We played rugby (i tackled! and got tackled lots. even the famous layout tackle!) and threw the disc around and layed out in the sun and went for a walk up the beach. We got hot and attacked by bugs, so we left and went to Coldstone Creamery for ice cream. I got banana and peach with Heath bar and strawberries. He got caramel latte and something else with Butterfingers. We went back to the Ridley's and he finally got to meet the rest of the family!! I was so happy. We had tea and pizza and watched the England vs. Australia rugby World Cup. England won. We said goodbye and went back to the house to watch A Walk to Remember (he hadn't seen it) and eat snacks. I was so glad he got to meet the Ridleys. I had told him all about them and I was happy he got to meet my other best friend.

Monday we slept in a bit then laughed and talked while he packed a bit. It was a sad day, but still enjoyable. Mom made waffles and bacon for brunch and we ate a lot, then went to Wal-Mart and printed pictures and bought him an electric razor. Time was drawing to an end, and tears fell randomly throughout the day. We had to leave for the airport in NY around 2:30, so at the house he said goodbye to my mom (he had said goodbye to Dad the night before) and Ashley and cried and packed and we left. It was an hour and a half drive down, and we thought his plane left at 6. God was kind though, and his plane didn't actually leave until 7:15. We sat and talked and cried together, and even laughed a bit. The bushes around the parking lot helped with that. :) Inside the airport, we saw two people from his unit, because the unit is stationed out of NYC normally. We hugged and cried and said goodbye, and I watched him walk away. It was hard and painful and lonely, but he had to do it. I watched with the families of the other soldiers, and they hugged and kissed and comforted me. We're going to look for each other at the airport when they come home. I sat in the parking lot and cried and cried and prayed and prayed. I drove the lonely drive home, and called Benjamin and Ashley and they came over to watch The Notebook. Ashley brought me Ben and Jerry's ice cream and Ben brought me chocolate. They are the best. He called from Minneapolis and then again from Wisconsin, then from his barracks. Thank you Lord.

He is gone now, 7 time zones away. He called from a stop in Ireland for the last time for a while, until they are climatized and in-processed.

I miss his laughter, his tears, his hugs, his joy, his stories, his playfulness, kindness, humility, gentleness.

I miss him.

Please protect him, Lord.

June already.

unbelieveable.

Sarah leaves tomorrow with her boy.

I miss the Florida family.

eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! <3

I am tan.

I have a burning, unquenchable desire to play disc. I miss it.

Just spent the night with Ash in the coolest house with the coolest dog besides Sally. He is a rottweiler/German shepherd mix and comes up to my waist and his name is Moses.

I am going to a rugby game in two days with Benjamin!!!!! You don't even know how excited I am about this.

Ken and Jen get married on July 3. I am waaaaay excited and can't wait to go and see everyone.

I love my life. <3

10/4